desolation | ♕ DUPLICITY

[ her words should come as no surprise to him for he should know it all already, knowing too that at her heart is the mark where the accumulation of those betrayals had resulted in the piercing wound that eventually ended her life.

and it's that very heart that is far too fragile at the subject of loyalty. knowing what she knows, how easy it had been for him to succumb with yennefer's return, it's far too great a risk for her to give away too much of herself.

she watches him turn, a gripping weight squeezing against her chest. she could certainly leave it at that, but she doesn't. ]

Is that all you have then?

( he doesn't expect her to speak again but she does and he stops, spine stiffening. he stops at the door, staring at it before he turns back around and stares at her. he's not sure what else he could have that would be acceptable. )

Whatever you might think of me, I had no intention to hurt you. You can believe that or not but it's the truth.

( but she tells him that his words are meaningless so he doubts she'll believe him. he says it anyway, giving his head a shake as he does. )

If you can so easily add me to the list of people who've done you wrong, that's fine. Do what you must. But I want you to remember a few things.

( he steps closer to her once more, some resolve back in his expression. )

I am not like your father or your brother or anyone else that's left scars on you. And I think you know that. But if this is how you protect yourself, so be it. We both know it's wrong, though.

Is it wrong?

[ she knows he isn't those men, but all the same, she also knows that there are no guarantees of his promises. not when his immediate actions to yennefer's arrival have been enough to cast doubt.

as he steps closer, she does the same. ]

I have been abandoned in my life more times than I can count, all by people who have vowed to stay by my side, until I was left betrayed and broken and alone, having to mend the pieces for myself. I built an armor around my soul so that I wouldn't be shattered like that ever again, and then, you — !

[ her voice shakes, dry, and she swallows, looking up to him with an honest gaze, like a silent plea she won't voice. ]

I opened my heart to you. I offered it to you, but now ... now I need to know you would fight for it. I don't need you to tell me. I need you to show me that you won't merely take it for granted, that you won't abandon it in favor of another, that you won't just pretend I've stopped existing while you're with someone else. Because you're absolutely right. This is how I protect myself. Because even if you have no intention of hurting me, I can't leave myself vulnerable to being broken by you if you're not even certain that you won't.

It is wrong! Because I haven't abandoned you, Morgana. I have been here through your dismissals of me, your anger with me, your stabbing me, your attempts to kill me and I am still here.

( his voices pitches a little higher, anger slipping out from underneath his steely facade. she has a right to be angry with him, he knows, but he can't quite keep himself completely contained. )

You told me you are a monster and I fought to convince you you were not. You asked me to make promises to you and I did. You love another, Morgana, and that's fine. But you fault me for forgetting you when I hope that I am not the one on your mind when you're with her.

( because that's not fair to vanessa. )

Protect yourself. I understand why you're going to do that. But I'm not going to let you craft a story that I have been this kind of monster in waiting all this time.

Don't you bring her into this.

[ her voice tightens, teeth clenched almost protectively. ]

I have been honest to you from the very start about Vanessa, to both of you. And the promises we made to one another were with that in mind. But this ... this isn't what we promised.

[ she dreads this side of herself, the side that clings with desperation to a sense of loyalty, so frightened of losing what it hers after how often she's been left with nothing. she has become a selfish child, but her fingers shake, trembling like a young girl. ]

You promised me your quiet moments. You promised me you wouldn't look at another the way you look at me. You ... you said they were only mine. That you were mine, and — and with her here, I don't think that even you can guarantee that those promises can still be kept.

I'm not bringing her into this.

( but there's a petty, selfish thought in his head that she can love more than one person, why can't he? it doesn't even matter if it's yennefer or if it were someone else, it sounds like he's not allowed.

but he shakes that away because that thought will do no one any good. this isn't a time to throw a tantrum. )

I cannot stop you from thinking what you're going to think. If you want to think so little of me, so be it, Morgana. There is nothing I can say to change your mind, I know that now.

( he's never been that good with words in the first place and now, having to use so many. )

I haven't broken those promises though. Even if you think I have.

[ she knows the intention of mentioning vanessa, of what he's accusing her of. but she remains selfish in her reasoning, not wanting to admit what she's desperately trying to cling to. she doesn't want to share him, not with another, not in the way that they've been together.

"The way you look at me — would you look at another the same way?"
"I wouldn't. It's only been you."

perhaps it was naive of her to think such a promise would last, and despite his words now, his insistence, she recalls the dream she'd had of him and yennefer, and she knows — he would give her such a look. and though she knows that there is a part of this that makes her unreasonable, she also knows that such a test would eventually be inevitable. ]

Then tell her.

[ she steps up to him, straightening as she looks to his eyes, firm in her words. ]

Tell her of us. Of what we are and what you truly feel for me. If you do and you know you can hold true to your promises, then you may speak to me again. If not — [ there's a momentary strain in her voice and she takes a breath, trying to remain composed. ] If you confront her and you find there's even a shred of doubt in you that you won't be able to keep your promises to me, then ... then don't bother coming back.

I really don't like ultimatums such as this.

( it's all or nothing. he hates it. he hates it because he doesn't know if it's possible and if it's not, she's going to take herself away from him and he doesn't know how he's going to deal with that.

he breathes raggedly, staring at her and then turns away, stalking towards the door and throwing it open. he stops in the doorway, shoulders tense and back ramrod straight.

he'd planned on telling yennefer all of this because she deserved to know just as morgana deserved to have it known. but he doesn't like this choice she's presented him and he never will.

he thinks to say something but then just reaches back for her door and shuts it behind him, angrily stomping away. )

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